I’ve Come to Terms With The Fact That…

I am a private person. I was just thinking about something that Best Friend A, Best Friend Q and I were conversing about a few months back. They told me that they felt as if they didn’t know me. This was coming from two people that I had known for 11 and 10 years respectively. And it honestly left me confused as all hell.

I’ve never been one to tell people my business. Ever. I look at it from a perspective of wanting to keep the upper hand at all times and so I felt that I have incriminating information available if I need to use it (Some friend I am rite?). I honestly couldn’t begin to explain why I do that. While I was growing up, I was the complete opposite of who I am now. I was quiet around most people, but in general I was a bit…*thinking of term* fearless. I was the kid that screamed at a cafeteria full of kids to “Shut the Hell Up” because I was doing my homework and they were disturbing me. Or the kid that cussed his older sister (19 years older) out when she pissed him off…Yea that was me. Brran1.

Now that I look back, I realize that a lot of the things that I did or said to people was just to be plain rude because they were disturbing me or encroaching on what I felt was mines, and to put it plainly, I just didn’t give a flying fuck what they thought or what they felt.

As I got older, I realized that I couldn’t go around just saying what ever the hell I want to people without some kind of reaction, so I stifled that part of myself which lead to my not telling people how I felt about certain things including myself.

My friends asked me why I don’t ever talk about myself or my family in the same ways that they have opened up to me. I basically told them that there’s nothing worth talking about and that they were really making a big deal out of nothing….But now that I think about it, were they? Or was it all on me?

Random Thought of the Moment: “Why the hell does my Hotmail Inbox not have any emails in it?”

The Song of the Moment: “Fight the Power” by Public Enemy.

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2 Responses to I’ve Come to Terms With The Fact That…

  1. a.tiara says:

    I feel you on this post. I’m a private person as well and I know that my friends feel the same way about me. But like you said revealing too much of myself would mean someone has a hand over me and having no control of what others think bothers me. If you really know your friends and trust them then try to open up more. It makes everyone more comfortable and it will help you express yourself more.

  2. brran1 says:

    Thanks for the advice…I’m definitely gonna use it.

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