Preface: This post is in no way shape or form an attempt to disrespect or demean anyone. These are my thoughts: real, raw and unabashed.
I’ve always been the type of person that has been known to go out of their way to do for others. There have been times where I’ve driven across town from school, knowing I was low on gas just to drop off some food for a friend because I stopped past Checkers for myself. There have been times when I’ve gone out of my way to pick a friend up from work on a few occasions. There was the time when I ferried one of my boys and his “broad of the moment” around while they were out on a “date”. There was even a time when I drove a friend back home to PG County (pretty much 5 minutes from the DC-MD border) at 3 AM because the friend that brought her to Baltimore did not feel like taking her back home. I mention these things, not because of wanting to gloat, and not because I’m trying to cop the ‘Best Friend of the Year’ award, but because I don’t mind doing for people that I hold close to me.
All of these things are within my limit of tolerance. But sometimes, friends somehow manage to overstep their boundaries and you have to pull them back as if they were one of those little kids on a leash.
When is enough, enough? How do you know if it’s time to regulate or if it’s time to just sit back and roll with the punches?
Within the past few weeks, a situation erupted between two of my friends that involved one of their significant others. I’m not willing to go into details but let’s just say that this situation is reminiscent of a situation that occurred in the past that resulted in Friend A & Friend B not talking to each other for almost three years of High School. The situation that occurred recently could have been handled differently on both parts, but I’m not here to talk about that. I’m here to talk about the boundaries in your friendships.
In any type of relationship (be it professional, romantic, or just a plain ole friendship) some give and take has to occur. There can’t be one party trying to run the show, while the other party just goes along for the ride. I personally don’t feel as if skirting around issues will work either, because at some point, the relationship loses it’s realness. It becomes a ‘duck and dodge’-ship.
I really didn’t want to give details but after reading what I have written so far, I feel details will make this post more cohesive. Friend A can be very boisterous at times. At times, she is loud, she cracks jokes on people and is ready to buck at a moment’s notice. When the aforementioned situation occurred and even when previous rifts have taken place, it seemed as if Friend A absorbed what was being said and just went on as if the situation never occurred. If your friend tells you that being around a person that you happen to be close to makes them uncomfortable, would you still bring that person around? Well she has, and Friend B has eased back into being around this person.
You should be there for your friends sure, but on the other hand, should you be there to the point where your happiness and your comfort are in jeopardy? Should you have to deal with a friend that ignores your wishes while rapping the chorus from that Rocko song? (*rapping* You jus’ do you. Umma do me. Umma do me…) Friend B has let it be known that she does not want to be around Friend A’s significant other and will decline any invitation to go out if said person is tagging along. Well what if dude just pops up with Friend A unannounced? Friend B said she will sit in the car or have whoever brought her take her back home. Going off of prior history, Friend B was not going to bring up the issue to Friend A because she had a feeling that nothing would change. After being persuaded to tell Friend A, she finally caved and did so. I have yet to see if Friend A will still bring dude around us. Only time will tell.
Listening to the situation from outside (I was at dinner with them, but they rode in a separate car, and I left way before they did because I had to go to work in the morning), I told Friend B to let her feelings be known. A closed mouth doesn’t get fed, and personally, I do not want to be around people where the air is stank so to speak. How can people honestly deal with stuff like this? I would have let my feelings be known from jump. And then would have let everyone know (including dude) that I did not wish to be around him. Knowing how Friend A would have most likely disregarded my feelings, I would have done an about face and left them all in the dust. I love my friends dearly, but my personal satisfaction and my being content comes first. I’m not going to place myself in a situation where I’m around someone I don’t want to be around purposely. All that indecisive, keep quiet for the sake of keeping the peace crap is for the birds.
It’s funny. Had the shoe been on the other foot, Friend A would have been rude to the person, she would have been saying stuff under her breathe amongst displaying other immature, childish behaviors.
Random Thought of the Moment: “Damn it’s beautiful outside. I wonder what my brothers are doing right now…”
The Song of the Moment: “What About Your Friends?” by TLC