Thoughts on Domestic Violence

Tuesday night around 11:30, I was sitting in the family room listening to music while eating some ice. I just got off the phone with cousin, and I was about to turn in for the night. All of a sudden, the doorbell rings two or three times. Now with it being as late as it was, I jumped up ready for almost anything because no one in their right mind would ring someones doorbell that late at night unless it was some type of emergency or if a serial killer was loose in the neighborhood (you can tell i’m from the city…). I walked towards the door and cut the light on in the living room and I checked the peephole. No one was on the porch. I went to the window and looked out, and next door I saw two kids (maybe about 8 or 9) standing behind a car in the driveway. At first, I thought they were just playing ding, dong, ditch; but that was far from the case.

As I watched, I saw one of my aunt’s neighbors come outside carrying his stuff to his car. He and his wife (or girlfriend) were arguing loudly, although I couldn’t make out what they were saying. She had a beer bottle in her hands and was smashing it against his car. After a few more moments of fussing, cussing and arguing, she threw the bottle at him and took off around the side of the house like Marion Jones. He went to go chase her and then gave up and went back in the house. She was probably running deeper into the backyard to get away from him. A few moments later he emerged from the house with a knife and ended up slashing her tires. At this point, I called Cousin back and was like “Yo! The next door neighbors are havin’ an Ike and Tina moment.” She was shocked of course and I stayed on the phone with her, shook my head and sat back down in the family room.

About five minutes later, the doorbell rang again, and after about 5 seconds of hesitation I got up and answered the door. The next door neighbor was there asking if she could use the phone to call 911. I went in the kitchen to grab the phone for her and as she turned her head, I saw it. Her left jaw was swollen in a huge knot. At this point, dude was in the street and when he saw me hand her the phone, he got into his car and sped off. She called the police and thanked me for letting her use the phone. I stayed downstairs at the front window until the police came (4 squad cars deep), which was no more than 5 minutes after the call was made, and then I turned in for the night.

What would possess a dude to do such a cowardly thing by putting his hands on a woman? Granted, I don’t know the circumstances behind the altercation, but at the same time there is NO reason why a dude should beat on a woman. I don’t care if she called your moms a ho or even destroyed your trophy collection. It’s better to pound the pavement and avoid charges, than to pound on your lady and end up down at the local lockup because you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself.

Granted, as a dude, I know that sometimes your girl can piss you off to the point where you wanna shake her, but you have to think of another way to release that stress. Walk away, punch the wall, or even go down to the bar and have a sip. Just refrain from turning into Mike Tyson.

With that being said, I am aware of the fact that some females like to push you to the point of no return. You get what I mean? For instance, say my lady and I got into an argument, and I felt the urge to turn into my father. I’d definitely walk off before it got to that point. But what if she started swinging or started throwing things like glass bottles while I was walking away? I don’t believe in hitting on women and all, but I will say this. My name is NOT Lionel Richie and I’ll be damned before I let some woman beat on me or injure me because she couldn’t get her way.

Thoughts?

Random Thought of the Moment: “2 Days ’til Home!!!”

The Song of the Moment: ‘U.N.I.T.Y.’ by Queen Latfiah

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8 Responses to Thoughts on Domestic Violence

  1. yea folk, i feel ya

  2. a.tiara says:

    thats crazy! I agree men should never hit women but i also understand how women can provoke men. It takes alot of strength to walk away when you are mad. I hope your aunts neighbor presses charges or something. what about the kids? smh

  3. She Is Qui says:

    i am mad that he was probably hitting her in front of those kids! smh. i don’t agree with it on either end. a woman should not put her hands on a man and he should not put his hands on her!

    he pulled off when he saw you hand her the phone… he better had because if he tried to crack slick and get at you for helping her, i’d be on the next thing smoking to the atl! we don’t play that shit here!

  4. brran1 says:

    @a.tiara: They actually have an infant as well, hopefully the baby was sleep while all this was going on.

    @Chickie: It would have been resolved by the time you got to BWI Chickie. lol. I wish dude would have tried to start something with me…I woulda went Ike Turner on his ass.

  5. pserendipity says:

    My thoughts:

    1. If you big enough to throw a punch, you big enough to take one. That goes equally for women and kids. WTH she thought was gonna happen if she bustin bottles upside the car? If I haul off and hit somebody, I fully expect to get hit back. And, I agree with the late great Bernie Mac: I will whoop a kids azz.

    2. I was almost screaming after your first paragraph, “Go over there and get them kids!!!!” You coulda told em to come in and get some kool aid or something, they didn’t need to be all up in that drama. Po babies.

  6. Timah says:

    I was thinking the same thing about the kids, Pserendipity. What saddens me most is that this probably wasn’t the first time they had to do something like that.

    I’ll admit that I hit my boyfriend in high school once and he shook the mess outta me. He was a pretty big dude. Lesson learned. Now I know better.

    BUT… I do understand that sometimes women don’t play fair. We kirk out and get ready to throw blows because we’re banking on him following the “don’t hit women” rule. I think everyone would do well to keep their hands to themselves and just walk away.

  7. Downbeats says:

    I’m not sure what’s more cowardly: laying your hands on a woman or peeling off in your car when you see her calling the cops. It’s not like they’re not going to find you… and wife beaters go to Hell. It’s a general rule.

  8. Fabbi says:

    We are a group of friends that know and worked with a young woman named Joy Loftin while she was employed at the Vanderbilt YMCA here in New York City. During the length of her employment, several extremely disturbing incidents occurred that cause us to be concerned and call into question the motives and the integrity of Shan Colorado Finnerty, Hortensia Colorado, and Elvira Colorado.

    On several occasions, Joy came to work with visible bruises on her neck and arms. She eventually explained to us that Shan had punched, beaten, and choked her and she asked us for help. As wardens for the community, we tried to place Joy in women’s shelters around the city in an effort to mitigate the abuse. However, at the urging of Shan’s mother and aunt, Hortensia and Elvira, she returned to their apartment and refused to press criminal charges against Shan Colorado Finnerty. The abuse continued and one day, she came to work very early, visibly distressed and crying, with more bruises and abrasions. She said that Shan had verbally abused and beaten her once again; that she wanted to return to California, and that she was going to quit her job and reunite with her family. She tendered her resignation later that week. Out of concern for her safety and in an effort to find out what happened to her, we requested an officer from the domestic violence unit of the 5th Precinct conduct a welfare check at their home on Kenmare Street. However the officer was unable to find anyone at the apartment, and therefore could not verify that Joy was safe. We realize that she is suffering from battered women’s syndrome and may be unable to help herself due to the isolationist environment that the Colorados have formed around her. Abusive men are often enabled by their family, while the victim is persuaded to believe the abuse is her fault, and the pattern of emotional and physical trauma continues. Taking into consideration what has happened to Joy Loftin, it is especially deceitful that their display “Altar: El Llanto De La Resistancia” at the American Indian Community House was in part dedicated to victims of domestic violence.

    In light of these events, we are dismayed, disappointed, and outraged to know that members of the American Indian Community would commit, condone, and perpetuate domestic abuse and violence, while simultaneously conducting workshops, writing and performing plays, and displaying works and art that would have the public and those who support them believe otherwise. It is a vulgar and offensive misrepresentation of American Indian Culture, and further support of Coatlicue Theater, Hortensia Colorado, Elvira Colorado, Shan Colorado Finnerty and their work is tantamount to supporting domestic abuse and violence. Considering their duplicitous behavior, having them represent American Indian Culture is an insult to the dignity of American Indians and an affront to human beings.

    We therefore will not attend nor support any Coatlicue Theater productions or events where they will be featured. We will be encouraging others that might consider attending, participating, or funding them to do the same. Our actions are warranted, and to be associated with the aforementioned individuals and Coatlicue Theater would be equivalent to enabling and contributing to such offensive behaviour. We are urging everyone to reevaluate their support of Coatlicue Theatre and the Colorados, and question the individuals concerned. Until the responsible individuals are held accountable and measures are taken to verify that the abuse is no longer occurring, we will continue with our boycott of Coatlicue Theatre and we will strongly urge others to do the same.

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