1.) Humor may be relative, but you sir ARE NOT funny. Why can’t you hear the Crickets?
2.) I’m neutral in this situation.
3.)If you choose to spend your entire paycheck everytime you get it, don’t be surprised when you’re struggling because of (an) unexpected expense(s).
4.) It’s funny how y’all claim to be friends, yet y’all talk about each other behind each other’s backs like y’all are sworn enemies.
5.) I’ma need for you to stay your sickly ass in your dorm room. No. Seriously. *Rubs Purell all over hands and forearms*
6.)So are you moving back to New York or are you staying here? Wait, did you even go back in the first place?
7.)The only illness you have is Hypochondria. Get over yourself.
8.)Two words: Tranquilizer. Darts.
9.) There’s no reason why an 18 month old should be up wide awake playing at 1am. It’s called a sleep schedule for a reason.
10.) You made a smart choice by not moving back to Baltimore. You’re not missing anything at all.